How Not to Say the Wrong Thing

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If you want to scream, cry, or complain , if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately you may want to think twice before you speak.

Your life, you may not realize, is ruled by powerful selfish thoughts. You may not even realize your thoughts are selfish “This level of selfishness is not what you would commonly recognize as being ‘selfish’, but is a very powerful negative factor in our lives,”  stated If you become someone that is considerate of other people, but not more important than yourself, you will not become a doormat explained

An example is that if someone gives you a chocolate bar that you are not interested in, you could think you are being polite and refuse it, which in your mind is irrelevant, but very relevant to them because they wanted to make you happy by giving the bar of chocolate to you. Refusing the gift is a selfish act that denied them the joy of giving you pleasure reported

When a worker named Susan had breast cancer, there were a lot of lame remarks, but the worst came from Susan’s colleagues. Her colleague need to visit her, but Susan didn’t want visitors. Her colleague’s responded “This isn’t just about you.”

“It’s not?” Susan wondered. “My breast cancer is not about me? It’s about you?”

Now that has happened Susan has now  developed a simple technique to help avoid making that mistake, according to It works for all kinds of crises including medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential.

Now draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma.  Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones explained

According to Susan’s rules about the drawing, the person in the center ring can say anything he/she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” That’s the one payoff for being in center ring. Everybody else and say those thing just make sure it is to someone in the same ring or a larger ring than you added

If this for some reason does not cross your mind there are three important steps to bouncing back after saying the wrong thing.

Number one which may be most important so you can sleep at night is, forgive yourself. Realize nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. “If we all had a dime for every stupidly wrong thing we have ever said during a sales conversation, we would all be on our private beaches in Maui right about now,” reported

According to, try and make fun of your mistake is the second step, say something to the other person to try and make it fun or funny. Ease the conversation into a less stressful conversation

The third which is basically common sense, apologize to the other person or people in the conversation, reported Make it a sincere apology not “I’m sorry,” maker it more like “I am extremely sorry I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”